U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
