My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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