My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
