So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize