bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
