having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
