OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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