So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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