I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize