Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
there was a trapeze. enough said
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
