So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
