Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
