So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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