Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Found your dick twin last night
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
