I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
