Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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