All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
handjob tips. give me some.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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