Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She bit a glass in half.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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