I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
