I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
