Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
