M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
