just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize