He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
