so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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