I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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