Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
