She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
