I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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