the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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