the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
