I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
