I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
there is glitter all over my balls
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
