they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
