I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
