guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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