at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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