so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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