apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize