Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
