she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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