sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
