I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
