As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
