Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
