Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
