first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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