Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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