i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
