Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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