is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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