so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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