I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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