Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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