my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
