went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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