You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
