We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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