So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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