I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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