you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude i'm inner monologue high
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
