Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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