I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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