She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
