he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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