cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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