Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
